I wish I wasn’t

The lowest of all lows, beyond depressed. When you don’t even know if you are better off not existing or lost in a world where the addiction makes it all go away, the addiction can stop the pain but only for a little while.
I want time to stop, to freeze and be no more. Let this second last a lifetime. Let the minute be eternity.
I want to fade into nothingness. To loose consciousness and be one with the darkness.
Let my soul sleep and my spirit dream for an eternal age and be lost in candied clouds chasing rainbows and pots of gold in unending tunnels.
I rise only to fall harder…….I stand yet I stoop lower.
To what end?
Today I wish I wasn’t. Tonight I drown my sorrows, at last I find my peace and let life slip away. I want it gone far away from me.
At last I am no longer…………..and my wish is granted for I am no more.